The holiday season is a time to celebrate with close family and friends. But for children in foster care, this time may emphasize their feelings and separation. Whether the season is joyful, challenging or a mixture of emotions, it’s clear that this may change the way holiday time looks for children and their caregivers. Let’s explore why holidays can be difficult for children in foster care, and what caregivers can do to bring meaning to a challenging season — for both the children in their care and for themselves. 

What Can Make the Holidays Difficult for Youth in Foster Care and Their Caregivers? 

For children in foster care who are spending the holiday away from their biological family, this time spent in a different space likely feels very foreign to them. And for many caregivers, this season requires the management of all the extras while being supportive and sensitive to any children in their care. Regular traditions might be altered or new traditions added, holiday food and activities might be different — and there might be something totally unexpected! No matter the circumstances, a successful holiday season depends on how the family approaches it. 

During this festive and busy season, challenges are bound to surface. And when they do, caregivers will want to be aware, involved and prepared to help. Preparation can make all the difference between a chaotic home environment during the holiday season and creating a comfortable, safe and relaxing environment for children and caregivers. 

One of the best ways for caregivers to prepare is by becoming aware of possible challenges that may arise. Here are some of the most common. 

For Caregivers 

• Logistics – With so many events, activities and potential travel during the holiday season, figuring out the logistics and ensuring that the children are included is important. 
• Financials – Additional expenses are apparent during the holiday, and families will want to be mindful of treating all children with equality. This is particularly important with holiday gift-giving. 
• Traditions – Respect and acknowledge the normal traditions of the children while also keeping your own family traditions. Try learning about each other’s traditions, merging traditions or creating a brand new tradition for everyone! 
• Family Visits – When it’s safe and advisable, children may visit with biological family members during the holidays as well. Managing the family visit schedule is crucial, and caregivers will want to carve out time for visits to happen. 

For Children

• Missing Family – Being without their family through the holiday season can bring up heartbreak for children. During these times, they might miss their parents, siblings or other biological family members even more. Even if their prior setting wasn’t safe, children in foster care can miss what was their “normal.”
  
• Missing Traditions – Traditions are very personal, and each culture or individual family usually includes a few of their own. When a child is spending the holiday with a family outside of their own, traditions are bound to differ.

Advice for Caregivers During the Season

Navigating the holidays as a foster caregiver can be challenging. But there are some smart strategies to bring meaning and joy to a tough season. A great first step is a perspective shift, advises Theresa Goley, Permanency Director with KVC Nebraska.

“View the holiday from the perspective of the child and how they might be feeling,” she says. “This is incredibly important since it requires sensitivity to the heartbreaking circumstances that the children and birth families experience without each other during a special time.” 

To create a sense of comfort, Goley recommends: 

• Asking what the child enjoys doing through the holiday. Then find ways to incorporate that into the events of the season
• Sharing traditions as a family and helping the child feel more connected and comfortable
• Staying mindful about being equitable around gift giving and treating each child similarly throughout the season
• Respecting faith-based or religious beliefs, keeping in mind that each family has a different view.  No child should be expected to adjust or conform
• Reaching out for help if resources are needed, including connecting with KVC’s Holiday Heroes program

Working with the Biological Family During the Holiday Season

A child’s best interest should always be in the forefront of a caregiver’s mind, and as long as it’s appropriate, working with the birth family during the holiday season can be beneficial.

“Specifically asking the birth family what a typical holiday looks like for them helps caregivers get a better idea about what the child is expecting,” Goley says.

Implementing some ideas from the birth family into the holiday festivities for the child can help to give comfort where there might otherwise be some challenges. 

When holiday visits with the birth family are safe and permitted, it can be helpful to communicate and ask what the birth family’s holiday plans are for the child, as well as what activities might they miss that the foster family can do with the child. In cases like these, effective communication and finding a partnership between each family is essential for creating a special holiday for the children. “It’s all about meeting in the middle,” Goley advises. “This is one of the best ways to make the holiday joyful and meaningful. Families should try to adjust and incorporate the traditions of everyone to help it feel a little more like home during the holiday.”

KVC Support and Resources for Caregivers 

During this time, KVC highlights resources like the Holiday Heroes Program and a partnership with Toys for Tots. While Holiday Heroes is an innovative program by KVC to promote donations and gift giving for a certain age, Toys for Tots focuses its efforts on children 12 years of age and younger. Each year these programs are highly successful, and KVC can ensure that every child in the foster care program receives at least one gift from these resources.

‘Tis the season of giving, and during this time, families can find joy when they focus on spending time together and creating cheerful memories. Need extra support? Here at KVC, we know that we all need connection — and we are here to help. Especially during the holiday season, donations and resources are available for families with a need. Get in touch with KVC Nebraska today to get the support you need, to to share support with others.